This week I have:
Watched Shooting Fish and Shameless round China-Girls.
Been cancelled on by my brother to cut his hair three times.
Monday: Had a guy at the bus station start telling me how he'd been visiting his friend at the mental ward at the bus station, then follow me outside when I went for a cigarette to continue telling me how him brother killed himself, how he used to be an alcoholic and a carer until his mother died, and how his ex-girlfriend used to abuse him. I wasn't being nasty but it was a bit much.
Got a taxi to work twice, not because I was actually up too later, but because I couldn't bring myself to leave the house an hour and a half before my shift start. I regret the money seriously because I now have £68 in my bank account to last the rest of the month. £26 of which needs to go to china-friend because we booked our train tickets to Birmingham on the phone at her house because she was 6 hours late getting home and so we weren't meeting at the train station to buy them as originally planned.
Bumped into a guy on the bus who bummed a cigarette off me at the bus station about two months ago and is from the same town in Canada as my cousins, I got told off last time because I didn't find out his name but they reckoned it was a small enough place that they'd know him. Found out his name. Discovered it was actually his middle name as he was showing me his ID's asking whether he should grow a goatee again, his explaination for not using his real name is that it makes him sound like an asylum seeker. Right. Very bad photos. Looks better with short dreadlocks now. This time I found out what subject he's doing as post-grad over here, not that I know what zooology is doing (I think it was a test or a joke when he said he wants to run a zoo) he also offered me a spliff (I've severely gone off it, paranoia is real for me, I smoke and the world seems threatening and I start thinking about the chain of where it comes from as well and my role in society, and the thoughts just won't go away, it wasn't like this smoking with my gay-best-friend-forever, damn him going off and getting married and moving away, I miss him), and he asked for my number to take me to dinner sometime. He had been drinking cider round a friends on an early Tuesday evening and I thought I could smell it, but then he said that and it made sense that he was stoned as well.
Wednesday went straight from work to see a workmate sing in a bar competition, had three pints and a glass of fizzy wine and was giddy and having fun, bonded with the older workmates, cheered enthusiastically for the one who was singing, had a dance off with chinese-afro-boy (who china girl has been seeing who used to work with my current workmates) danced with a guy who I thought was gay from his stage performance, but who obviously wasn't after that dancing, got chatted up by some other guy who looks really like my drug-addled old friend who has the same name as a politician, who was then telling me how he's worked in a callcentre for 10 years and they keep trying to screw him over for having time off ill when his diabetes causes him problems but he's so far got £25000 damages out of them and is going to court again, who also seemed drunk, and said he needed an assistant for his quiz nights and could make £400 a night - though he didn't/wouldn't explain exactly what the job he was offering would entail (!). I quite fancied this northerner who was down for work and staying at the hotel my brother works at. The workmate who had offered to give me a lift to stop me leaving to get the last bus pissed off without me, so went to a seventies club with afro-haired-chinese guy and acne-boy - who I also already knew through china-girl and other mutual mates and who also used to work with my current work-mates - boogied like an idiot at the seventies club - where notherner-bloke had followed us - I'm still in my work clothes by the way and looking quite lesbian with the collar of my black shirt turned up, hair in a low ponytail, I was quite liking my look and was obviously suffering from high self esteem what with being so amusing and charming (and drunk). As couldn't get home had to kip round chinese-afro-boys near town centre, which I was not happy about really as I love my own bed and hadn't planned on such a night out - plus though I'm friendly with them they're not my friends so much. Regretted having a toke at afro-boys when he went to let his cat in the flat then acted like he was interrupting something between me and acne-boy when he came back in the living room, which could not have been further from the truth. The one toke was obscenely strong and I really felt drugged and drunk out of proportion and like it was dangerous. I tried to offset this by having enthusiastic conversation about retro-video-games (can't remember how that started). I got given his bed as apparently he always sleeps on the sofa. Was horrible and skanky without sheets or duvet-cover and acne-boy came in to share the other half of the bed and I knocked away a cuddling arm several times and slept with my fists clenched ready to punch. Maybe slight over-reaction, but I felt safer that was prepared to be rude and feeling very fucked off. I don't like either of them now. A pity because I found acne-boy pleasant before he decided to fancy me. Went home 7am in the morning and had an hours kip as was on late shift myself, and that was a good bit of sleep.
Thursday met ex-pat-friend off the bus on way home as wanted to go see the band that guy-I-fancy drums in, but turns out both bands cancelled the gig the day before. Was relieved to get to go home even if it was disgustingly late as had spent two hours in town. Stupid buses. Watched Heroes which my flatmate had taped from BBC3 for me. Yey! How good was that?
Slept until 2.30pm today when china-girl woke me up with a phone call to say she'd be round after she'd been to the gym. Was originally woken up at 9.30am by one of my cousins phoning from Canada to talk to my landlord, she's the one who is ill, so I may have been over-helpful offering to ring him at work and tell him to turn his phone on for his breaktime so she could call him. She hates that being-treated-differently-because-she's-dying-stuff but luckily she didn't notice. I think if she was away at 2.30am her time and wanted to talk to her brother her mind was on other things.
Before I was woken up the first time I was dreaming about caressing girls boobs so I almost didn't answer the phone.
When I went back to sleep I dreamt about a 19 year old quiet lad from work, which was very pleasant, basically we were just running around trying to find somewhere to shag in private. He's tall, has a gorgeous butt, blatantly spents hours on his black indie fringe and plastering his hair to the side of his face in the perfect shape every morning, and always has perfectly ironed shirts. A whole two of them. Think I'm in heat again. Or lonely. (But not for just anyone, still feel justified ending things with the-lanky-streak-of-piss, and maintain I did the right thing, while also singing in my head 'you can't handle me' when I feel bad for hurting him). Stonking dream kisses with player-boy, woke up smiling.
This evening was more the kind of lifestyle that to be honest I like and want, video evening. Babel then Starter for Ten. Hmm. James McAvoy.
Though surprisingly the best time I've had in the last week was when I was supposed to meet ex-f-buddy-numero-deux for a coffee but was running late, so he came round here, and we did face-masks and hand and feet and back massages and watched the Girl Next Door and John Tucker Must Die, and cooked together.
Tomorrow I'm on late shift again, so going straight from work to my teacher friends wine and cheese night. This is welsh-girl and sprite-boy, and the-red-dawg and his girlfriend (he works at a school as an I.T tech and she's another teacher!) will be there, possibly demi-ginger-girl and her fiance-my-first will be there, and china-girl is bringing naaarfalk-boy. I feel safe with them. And there is NO FRIGGING WAY I'm being convinced to go uptown after that. I don't need it to make my night complete. And if I miss the last bus home I'm imposing on my eldest brother to give me his sofa as he lives near them.